“Fake it until you make it”
(c) famous intimacy coordinator who keeps their name private.
I’m just back from Milan, where I got stood up. But I didn’t come back empty-handed, I brought wisdom.
Take notes.
First, spot a gatekeeper
This person guards an entrance to fame and glory like their life depends on it. Actually, it does. But that’s another story. You might think your breakthrough depends on their approval. Wrong!
Do I have to explain simple concepts? Something tells me I do.
Alright, put your notes aside, sit straight, chin up, repeat after me:
“The star is born, and you’d better be prepared to meet me!”
Don’t forget to breathe, you little twinkle.
Repeat this twice a day after meals until one day you wake up undeniably a Diva. Just like me. (Man can be a Diva too. Proven by Marlon Brando)
Showbiz is like a street fight. Kick the strongest in the gut. The crowd will fear you. Make them know your name.
When I enter the room, they gasp:
“Oh, Salanta again!”
How to spot a gatekeeper
Clock the loudest guy in the room. Go in the opposite direction. Gatekeepers don’t mingle with assistants of assistants.
You might run into a bloke wearing a tuxedo. Don’t bother. That’s a valet.
Don’t ask how I know. I might tell you how I bribed, crossed, charmed him for social climbing advice (and some important names).
Seek the understated and rather awkward person who looks like they don’t want to be here. That’s your target.
Before you approach, study your enemy.
First impressions are never wrong. They don’t want to be here, and the last thing they want is you approaching.
A gatekeeper is a person who carries social awkwardness like a luxury purse everybody wants, but few can afford.
Are you taking notes?
Be undeniable!
Never underestimate a person who climbed the social ladder with zero social skills. There’s no good place and moment to introduce yourself. So any place and any moment is the right one. It can, and it will most likely go wrong. Keep on trying.
Don’t ask how I got kicked out of a fashion week party. Shaking hands with a legendary producer didn’t go well. Was it a bad idea to follow him to the toilet, or did he simply not like my champagne?
Once I had a date in the bathroom at the Ritz with a French director, and we had a lovely time with champagne and flowers. It was a success. I still don’t understand what went wrong this time… Anyway!
No means not today.
Salanta, your atomic blonde
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Produced by Diaries by HelenV, creative studio
