I’ve lost 2 kilos and every potential date.
Following a meal plan is like being vegan—there’s always someone who gets it wrong. Chicken is not meat, is it? Familiar?
“Let’s have a drink. It’s not food,” he said.
What he was thinking, water? Thank you, next!
My friend said I should make some effort. But crying over a salad is not my type of fun.
“Just go for a lighter version,” she said.
Maybe I should give it a try. Still wondering what I was thinking when I accepted a date at a Mexican bar. I decided not to look at the menu. Because it’s just heartbreaking to see everything I’m missing. I have feelings, you know? My date went for Margarita. Perfect! I’ll have the same. Would you mind modifying it for me? Please exclude tequila and liquor. Yes, lime fresh will do just fine. And no sweetener, please. The next moment, I found myself leaving the place.
I’ve lost two kilos.
And every potential date.
Men here aren’t prepared to come up with other date options. It’s either “I know a great seafood place” or “It’s just coffee”. I told a dude to Google other options. Saturday, Sunday, Monday… Still googling.
Then there’s this all good in moderation club.
“Let’s have a medium pizza. we’ll walk it out after.”
Darling, where exactly are we walking? To the moon? You go ahead—I’ll catch up. Still busy looking for one-egg recipes.
Did you know that over half of the global population will be obese by 2035? Good news—for capitalists. Eggs have already turned into gold. Saw these prices?
Being fat is a lot like being single—you pay double for everything.
Ridiculously unfair! You already struggle way more than your fit and taken friends: awkward dates, judging glances when you order an XL pizza just for yourself.
There’s some freedom in it. This freedom makes people jealous.
To tell you the truth, it’s not about being larger than life, as my size-zero friends may think. Skinny bitches don’t understand: extra large pizza is the only cool item available in XL.
One in four people will stay single forever—I read it in some research. Scary to die alone, right? This meal plan better be effective. I’ve lost 2 kilos. But also happiness, and every date.
Looking forward to week 2.
If I made you laugh, cry or cancel a date —send a little love. Eggs got expensive
Need a voice like this for your project?
I’m open to collaborations. Get in touch — or at least bring champagne
